The O.C.

Week 94: Costa Mesa, CA

There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.
--Shakespeare

Before I launch into this week's blog about our second to last week of performances, I thought I would take some time to just talk a little about my week off in New York. New York is a pressure cooker. The proximity in which human beings coexist with each other makes for an intense energy.
This swirling vortex of energy--much of it frantic, stressed, anxious--can be a challenge to resist getting swept into. This particular layoff was tinged with a different vibe for me, because I was seeing the city through the eyes of an actor about to be (temporarily) out of work, and really feeling the enormity of the adventure I have been on and the distance it has put between me and life in New York. Consequently I had a few days of simply collapsing and hiding out in my apartment. It is easy to become overwhelmed. There is also a pervasive sense of anxiety and tension around the economy and money for people in New York--I know that in these times this is an all-pervasive state of mind, but in the city, it seems to be intensified. I truly believe that our lives show up for us as a result of our predominant patterns of thinking. If your habitual thoughts are angry, or self-pitying, hopeless, fearful, your life reflects that back at you. I believe that our current economic situation in this country is being exacerbated by a collective and dominant pattern of negative and fearful thinking. We can choose to buy into it, dwelling on negative headlines and news reports, complaining about things, talking ourselves out of spending money on things we want or need. Or we can look in a different direction, affirming abundance in our lives by practicing gratitude for what we have, by reaching out and supporting other people in feeling empowered and capable, and by having faith in ourselves that we can have the life we dream of and are committed to creating.

"Spamalot" was only a beginning for me; a wonderful step in the right direction. All creative projects come to an end, and inevitably the process begins of finding a new project, a new source of expression, and a new opportunity.
People talk a lot about luck in my business--they point to successful actors making big salaries and chalk it up to a fluke, to being "in the right place at the right time," to some sort of whimsical wheel of fortune that happened to push that person into the lap of success. I prefer to believe that those who reach what we would call success do so because they have faith in themselves, they don't listen to the negative opinions of others, and they persist. Against all odds, against the evidence of the limitation of the present moment (again, everything is temporary), they KNOW that they will be successful and they focus on giving through their work, and of experiencing the joy which is the most satisfying part of being a performer. I suppose, having returned for a week to New York, and having had the wind sort of knocked out of me by it, I am returning to the place where my beliefs are strongest and my determination the most grounded. I think all of us must find ways to untangle the negative knots we can get into mentally, and reach for that which feels the best, which reminds us of how fortunate we are, and which sustains us through times of uncertainty. And learn to be compassionate and gentle with ourselves so that we may be that way for others. Even in the crazy, unrelenting vortex of Manhattan living.

Posh Costa Mesa is a luxurious and fitting final stop for the tour. The place absolutely reeks of money and fine living. Immaculately planned, maintained, manicured and gleaming, this suburban Southern California city gives one a glimpse of how the other 1% of the population are living! BMWs, Mercedes, Jaguars glide silently along palm lined streets reflected in the mirrored glass of modern buildings.
I am staying at an elegant Wyndham Hotel directly across from the elaborate Orange County Performing Arts Center. This complex is comprised of a gorgeous concert hall designed by Cesar Pelli (with an undulating facade sheathed in a skin of transparent glass), a restaurant, the Tony winning South Coast Repertory Theatre, and our venue this week, Segerstrom Hall. Henry Segerstrom, the $40,000,000 donor and primary patron of the Center, is one of the owners of nearby South Coast Plaza, one of the most expensive and lucrative shopping malls in the US. Among the 322 shops in this marble and brass palace of materialism, every major designer is represented-- from Gucci and Pucci to Versace and Prada. The mall grosses a billion dollars every year, further evidence of the affluence of the Orange County region. It's a bit of a tease for this group of about-to-be-unemployed performers to be nestled amidst so many tempting shops and fine restaurants! We do have access this week to a splendid spa across the street, which has all the amenities and luxuries one could wish for in a health club. So I'm treating these last weeks as a sort of working vacation.

This week we had to say farewell to our fearless leader, Ken Davis. Ken is our production stage manager, overseeing all aspects of our production, both on stage and behind the scenes. He has been with the tour since its inception and throughout the nearly four years "Spamalot" has been on the road. As things sometimes play out in this business, Ken landed another job which happens to conflict with our last weeks here in Costa Mesa, so unfortunately he won't be here to finish what he started. We will definitely miss sharing the final shows with Ken. Over the past 22 months that I have been with the tour, I have come to really appreciate Ken's humor, his support of all members of the company, and in particular, his support for what I have brought to the show. He got choked up at our farewell party for him, as he paid tribute to the real family feeling between all members of the cast, crew and management team. And he's right. It's a special group, and no doubt Ken's leadership contributed to that camaraderie. Happy trails, Ken!

I have been going in to work every night this week with a sense of joy and gratitude. From signing in at the stage door, to
all my back stage rituals of preparing for the show-- greeting the crew, slapping on my makeup, warming up--to savoring each and every moment of performing, I have been reminded over and over how very fortunate I am to have had this dream come true. To be a part of this show, to have the privilege of working as an actor, is something I have never taken for granted. And I still have goosebump moments out there when I look around me on stage, or feel the energy of the thousands of people out front, or am jazzed up by the sound of the orchestra pumping out this delightful score, and I feel like I need to pinch myself. What a blessing. One more week to go, friends. Next week, I plan to drive around the area a bit and see some of the beauty of the SoCal coastline, and we have some company events and parties that I am sure you will find amusing. Until then...